Successful people are selfish — there I said it.
I came to this realization one day while eating dinner with a lovely woman who is a multi-millionaire with two companies and soon to be a third. We laughed and spoke about our businesses as the crisp smell of palm and citrus wined up around us and we moved to her garden where we drank wine under a black sky.
Raised to always think about others and people please, I couldn’t help but sit in awe as my eyes narrowed and I watched her do and admit to things that I myself would never consider doing in my life. I was appalled. And the first thing that that came to mind was, “Whoa, she’s selfish”. The great thing about being reserved is that I don’t talk a lot — but I do listen. I leaned in to get a good taste of the tea. My lips pressed together tighter than then the firm grip I had on my twenty year legacy of being the miserable “way too nice” girl.
But then against my will, my face fell into jelly and my body followed suit as I realized how good it must feel to not give a fuck about what other people think. The freedom she had, I longed for so bad. I longed to say no. I longed to think about myself. I longed to have extra money to invest into my own dreams because I wasn’t spending thousands investing into someone else’s.
I was tired of being the person that always said yes when she really wanted to say no. And then months later, end up throwing full adult temper tantrums because she was so disappointed in herself that she didn’t have the guts to follow through with her own desires.
I blinked away at the burn rolling towards the sides of my eyes, and licked the salt off my lips. I was not going to cry in front of this woman. I had too much respect over myself for her to see me in such a pitiful state. But that is truly when it hit me. That is when I realized that my desire to people please was blocking me from my desires to get rich. Because the common thread between everyone I knew that was very wealthy and living a truly free life was that in general they were selfish people.
Now let me make this clear. I’ve learned that selfishness shouldn’t always be regarded as a bad thing. We’re taught to be selfless by a machine that wants people to give up their dreams to serve the greater good of people that don’t care about them. Our culture simply couldn’t thrive if everyone wanted to be a leader. So trust me, minions have their place too.
But you’re not a minion. You’re not the kind of woman that goes with the flow. You’re an innovator, a thought leader, a woman meant to have huge impact and influence on the world which is why you were attracted to today’s read in the first place. So stop allowing the judgments of others to control your destiny out of the need for being liked.
Successful people don’t care about being liked, they care about making a huge impact on the world. They know that by saying yes to what they don’t want they’re only slowing themselves down and making themselves more miserable. They know that they can’t make significant nor long lasting changes in anyone else’s life if they themselves are suffering.
Here is why selfish people are more successful:
Successful people have the ability to focus (unapologetically).
The number one reason why many people will never be successful is because they lack focus. They’re not tending and growing their empire like they should be because they’re allowing themselves to be pulled in a bunch of different directions that will only end up dead ends. For me, the reason why I lacked focus mainly came down to me having no energy or time to grow my own thing because I was so busy being the brainiac behind others big ideas.
People knew I was growing my own business and as they saw me becoming more successful they wanted me to help or invest into theirs. Knowing that my life was feeling more and more blessed every single day, how could I be selfish (there goes that word again!) and not want to give that to someone else? So I said yes. And it took me away from my business. It slowed me down so much because all of the energy and intention that my blooming business needed, I couldn’t even be present for.
In my conversation with my millionaire friend, she admitted that for any opportunity that didn’t serve her or that she knew deep down was a distraction, she always said no or not now. I gasped. How dareeeee she.
But because she stayed focus on her empire unapologetically, she’s now in a position where she has more than enough to give.
I know it can be tempting to make everybody else happy, but people pleasing wont even truly serve them in the long run. You can give so much more later but just focusing on yourself now.
Successful people don’t hesitate.
I’ve found that I make the greatest leaps in my business when I don’t hesitate. When I’m operating fully from my intuition and following the natural compass of my gut, I am at my best.
But when I’m in people pleasing mode, I don’t take fast action. I hesitate. I worry about what others will think about me if I make this move. Will they respect me? Laugh at me? Be angry at me? And because of that hesitation, things start to move really slow for me and I begin to feel stuck from all that overthinking.
Successful people don’t hesitate. They don’t over think. They don’t over plan. They just do.
When my friend broke down all of the things she didn’t care about and how she thrived off impulsivity, I knew I was rowing down the wrong river. I was flowing towards perfection, overthinking and burnout. While she was going the opposite way towards freedom simply because she believed in her ideas and rarely second guessed them.
It’s this kind of belief that successful people have in themselves that causes many of us to feel insecure and bitter about our own doing. We LOATHE the woman that is so self-assured that she doesn’t think twice because we want so badly to do it ourselves but are lacking the belief. The truth is, WE CAN. YOU CAN.
But you have to stop hesitating. It’s that hesitation that is causing you to constantly be stuck in your brand and business.
Successful people don’t surround themselves around victims.
I know this sounds harsh because it is.
But the truth is, people pleasers always attract two kinds of people:
- Those who want to use them.
- Those who are people pleasers, too.
People pleasing is downright exhausting. Always saying yes when you want to say no is disempowering. And then you become unhappy and attract other unhappy people too. The best way to stay stuck is to co-ruminate with a bunch of other sad, miserable, broke bitches.
Want to level up? Want to make your life better? Surround yourself with high-vibe go-getter SUCCESSFUL women that don’t allow you to make your bullshit a reality. Surround yourself around people that make you pull your shoulders back, lift your neck, your heels AND your standards.
Being a little more selfish doesn’t mean you stop being a good person or you let go of your values. It just means that God has a mission for you and the reason why you’re stuck is because you’re not honoring that mission and who you’ve been called to be. That resistance you’re feeling is God and the entire Universe pushing you away from the journey you’re not supposed to go on to get you on the path you NEED to walk.
It’s up to you to decide how many more times God and The Universe has to keep slapping you in the face until you get it. Or maybe you’re just kinky like that. Either way—the choice is always yours.
Lastly…
So many people talk about how self-care isn’t selfish. But I truly believe it’s the reverse we should focus on. We should intentionally incorporate selfishness into our self-care routine.
- Where do we know we need to put more of our focus on but scared to out of fear of who we might upset or disappoint?
- What could happen if we just said no, not now but maybe later.
- What is one thing this week you’re willing to do to make that happen?
These are the kinds of conversations and actions we should be taking.
We should take it unapologetically and without fear because selfishness doesn’t mean you have to become a bad person or give up all your values.
It’s really just about making sure that you remember to put yourself first. And not just when it comes time to do your hair, get your nails done and buy a new jumper.
